Big Al's Buns

The art of making a good bun or bread roll is 

NOT

an easy task.

Of course I don't include myself in this category of people because well, without

sounding full of myself....
I'm a WIZARD at the art of making bread roll/buns.

(cough-SHOWOFF-cough)

But for some, like my friend Big Al, success doesn't come as easily.

The art of making the perfect bun or bread roll IS challenging and takes
years of practice, determination and relentlessness.
To all those who have not MASTERED the skill,
I truly do, feel your pain.

This is a picture of Big Al's bread rolls. 

Although he did read the directions
(more than once might I add)
and
carefully followed each step
PRECISELY....the end result was...

Well just take a LOOK above - do those look like
round BUNS to you?

Yeah, I know. More like FLAP-JACKS, right?
Let's critique.
No bounce, no fluffiness, no ROUND SHAPE,
no real "bun/bread roll" characteristic at all.
HOWEVER
they WERE the right colour!
Boom!
(point for Al)

In fact, another characteristic which is important to note
(although does NOT call for in the recipe)
was the DENSITY of the bun....let's just say it was a CHALLENGE
to finish one all by oneself.

In fact, there was only ONE person at the whole dinner party
(which was WHY the buns were made in the first place)
who could and DID finish his bun.
All by himself.
Without any help at all.
(he also did not eat for three days afterwards)

GET TO THE POINT LAUREN?
What are you trying to say?

When your BUNS/BREAD ROLLS go WRONG
(and pack a PUNCH of dense as a MAC Truck)
a consider the following alternatives;

#1) Use your bread rolls as weights, small but able to fit in your hand
and can target small muscles groups
#2) Dykes are constantly collapsing, especially in Bangladesh during 
monsoon season; these buns would be a perfect dyke plug.
#3) New interrogative tool - 
"Oh you'll talk, you're gonna tell us everything.....but first, take another bite of the bun"
"Alright, ALRIGHT! I'll talk! Just don't make me eat (crying) more bun (sobbing),
I'll do anything - just not the bun. Anything but big Al's bun....!"
#4) Skit and Shoot...enough said!
#5) Sports equipment
Hockey (always looking for good pucks),
Track and Field: Shot-put
Track and Field: Disquiet throw
#6) Silicone breast implants?
(you NEVER know!)
#7) End disputes with your own homemade WEAPON; throw one 
of Al's buns and you will come out on top
(victory is guaranteed)
#8) If you ever find yourself stranded on a deserted island
(which they do in the military often for training), 
a six pack of those delicious buns and troops will be saved. 
In fact your life would be SAVED; hunger satisfied and well fed
for up to a year - WOW~!

THERE IS NOTHING THESE BUNS CAN'T DO!

So...yeah.
Maybe I'm exaggerating a little bit?
(smile)