I'm a FARMER - officially!

HORTICULTURE!

Big word but means same thing as gardening

(thank you Winnie the Pooh and Rabbit for teaching me that!)

and that's what I am today folks - a REAL LIVE GARDNER/FARMER!

Have these bad boys growing on my porch as we SPEAK!

Don't believe me?

Well of COURSE I took a video!

What can I say, I like to brag and hear myself talk?

BOOM!

So...yeah.

Gonna try to grow a boyfriend NEXT!

Little B-DAY shout OUT!

No matter what people say, turning 30 is a BIG deal.

Well, it was for me.

And for MOST rational, emotionally in-tuned, ridiculously good-looking people

who okay, yes....maybe are a little crazy sometimes.

BUT TURNING 30 IS HUGE and a REALLY BIG DEAL!

 And 

normally, something to FRET, WORRY and BITE YOUR NAILS ABOUT.

Right?

Am I right?

Of COURSE, I am right!

Well not for individuals like this...

Big Al turned THIRTY in Dhaka today

(in Canada tomorrow) 

and the guy was as calm as a cucumber.

He was collected all day long, even pleasant.

(who is PLEASANT on their 30th birthday? NOBODY!)

He thanked people for their good wishes, never shedding a tear, 

or trying to deny his age OR throwing a hissy-fit.

(Are you kidding me!?!?? Gross!)

He accepted his birthday wishes in style and with total confidence.

He EVEN went above and beyond 

by actually working the whole day and being productive! 

(Even stayed after school to help students with their work)

(I think, I think - I might vomit.... just a bit)

I know - I know!

 WHO IS THIS GUY!?!

Well, like I said above, his name is Big Al.

BUT

this is NOT the right approach.

In fact, I think he might be coming down with something

 because

no rational human being accepts this truth 

with such grace....NAWWWW!

(Al was INDEED coming down with something, serious fever! Very-very sick and 

therefore not acting normally. There IS no other explanation!)

So, in order to HELP MY DEAR FRIEND and 

MAKE THINGS RIGHT IN THIS WORLD!

(meaning, induce the RIGHT reaction when turning thirty years old) 

I have gone ahead and made a more appropriate 

message for this IMPORTANT birthday.

I have also taken the liberty of printing hundreds of these well designed posters and 

will post them all over the school!

Boom!

DONE!

YOU ARE WELCOME ALLEN!

What are friends for?

Happy birthday Old Man Mitchell.

(that is your official new name - OWN IT!)

So...yeah.
Anyone else turning thirty?

Dating Advice that ACTUALLY Hit Home - WHOA!

I never listen or read dating advice columns or books

that help you find the "perfect" match.

#1) I don't believe in the perfect "MATCH"

and 

#2) I am old fashion..or lazy?

I believe you meet someone when you are good and ready. 

But you have to put yourself out there once in a while.
Okay-okay,

more than once a month or you will only have

YOURSELF

to blame for the long dry spell 

(cough-cough-coming-from-personal-experience- cough-cough)

BUT

today I came across a SILLY article 

(one from silly Facebook) 

that for WHATEVER reason I actually clicked, read and then went

WHOA!

The best part of the article? Sum it up Lauren?

Here goes

(my comments are in italics)

(In terms of NOT knowing if someone likes you or not the articles states that....

If you’re in the grey area to begin with, you’ve already lost.

(Oh buggar, really?!?)

Let me ask again: 

Why would you ever be excited to be with someone

 who is not excited to be with you? 

(Maybe their shy???)

If they’re not happy with you now, what makes you think 

they’ll be happy to be with you later?

(Ouch that hurts but sadly, very true!!!) 

Why do you make an effort to convince someone

 to date you when they make 

no effort to convince you?

(Ummm YEAH - good point! Dang it!)

What does that say about you? 

(Shesssh! I dunno but it's not going to be good)

That you believe you need to convince 

people to be with you?

(Pffft NO....well....errr....maybe?!?)

You wouldn’t buy a dog that bites you all the time. 

(I did once lease a horse that bite me constantly...just saying)

And you wouldn’t be friends with someone who 

regularly ditches you. 

(No because unfortunately, I often ditch people...UGH!)

You wouldn’t work a job that doesn’t pay you. 

(Well, yeah...but sometimes....errr, oh Je-ZEUS! This is bad Lauren, very bad AWAKENING for you!)

Then why the hell are you trying to make a girlfriend/boyfriend

out of someone who doesn’t want to date you? 

Where’s your self-respect?

(ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! Spot on! Where

are my lady balls? Oh there they are, they fell off,

just found them, it's all good! Snap on - done!

Okay, back on and ready to go!)

Sometimes the truth hurts.

Period.

So...yeah.

Proud Teacher Moment

Two students from my very own 

HOMEROOM CLASS

won the fun run with BEST times for their grades!

Ohhhh SNAP!

***IMPORTANT NOTE***

I had nothing to do with their success, as I am not their P.E. teacher but as always,

I like taking credit or riding the coattails of others.

What?!?

I'm good at it, okay?

p.s. Who let Lenny Kravitz in the picture?

Pigs like me - GO FIGURE!

Like I said, 

these PIGGIES or WILD-BOARS

were ginormous and annoying as sin

 because they were NOT 

afraid of people.

Literally they would walk right behind you and 

BITE YOUR BAG!

Oh yeah?

Don't believe me, eh?

As my good friend Raimey stated so clearly

"IT BIT HER BAG!"

Ferocious BEASTS!

hahahhahahahahahhahahahah!

THANK YOU BAKO NATIONAL PARK!

Freaking hole in my bag because of your

GIANT-BAG-EATING-PIGS!

p.s.

Best part of the whole trip was how these ugly beasts followed us around 

everywhere...on the beach, on the grass, in the jungle, 

to the toilet....just kidding!

One of these things is NOT like the other...

What kind of animals would YOU expect to find in the jungle?

Hmmmm....

Proboscis Monkey perhaps?

Maybe a sliver langur and her baby?

Okay LOTS of monkeys and their babies!

Some creepy crawlers....

...but even those creepy crawlers are CUTE, right!?!

But I'll tell ya what AIN'T CUTE!

THIS guy!

Yup, that's a PIG! 

Don't believe me???

UGH!

This was one of the animals I DID not expect to see in the
jungle in Borneo, particularly on the Bako National Park Island.
And the worst part was, these guys (cuz there was more than one)
LOVED people EXCEPT people did NOT

love him!

Yes, I am a heartless cow!

HAH!

Yup...still missing my sis!

She gives me dirty look likes that ALL THE TIME!

Yeah - yeah....so what?

(showing off her tiny frame/figure and her awesome swim suit!)

Pfffft - SHOW OFF!

Rhiannon is ALWAYS bragging, showing off and making her 

older SIS feel bad about being 10 MINUTES OLDER!

Bah - HUMBUG!

BUT

don't WORRY Rhi...

I think she gets that from me!

(p.s. I look like I have two different faces

in this picture - errrr...special effects?)

I Miss My Sister...period.

To Sum Up...?

After being with gr.8 students for one week in Borneo, 

I've decided that at the end of the day, 

KIDS ARE STILL GONNA DO WHAT THEY WANT!

Wish I had a better memory of what I was like

at 14 years old....probably an even BIGGER little s***!

*Sigh*

Figures.

Thank you Mikky Ekko - for writing a song about cheeky kids in general!

Bah - hah!

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming....

Sorry.

It's been a while since I have blogged, a week to be exact.

My apologies.

I have spent the last week in Borneo with 54 students, 

sleeping in the jungle, seeing

Oranutangs in the wild and basically discovering

the amazing FOOD that there is to find in Maylasia....
....it always comes back to FOOD with me - har-har!

View from my hotel room for three nights - ekkk!

But GOOD GAWD, I have so little interest of going back to Dhaka right now.

Is that terrible?

Maybe.

Should I feel bad about how I feel?

Maybe.

What would Rhiannon say?

Errr - potentially something along the lines of 

"SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP!"

Which I will do with a big sigh.

*SIGH*

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming Lauren.
I have been watching this video in shock and disbelief.
It's a video of a girl riding into work on a CNG in Dhaka.
That girl is me.
And as I keep watching this video I can't help but wondering
WHO THE HECK IS THAT HAPPY PERSON?!?

And HOW ON EARTH COULD SHE (me) LOVE ALL THAT CHAOS?

Weirdo.

The Song That Currently Describes Ma Vie!

If I ever had to pick a theme song for what is going on with me right now

THIS WOULD BE IT!

So many doors opening, too many possibilities to choose from.

I miss everything I know and crave anything that is new.

I just, I just don't know.

I feel a little pulled apart right now and yet at the same time, so grateful for what I have...

...that doesn't really make sense, does it?

*Sigh.

Well, maybe this song will help explain what I can't seem to say?

Do I have to listen to it?

Yes, it's worth it!

So...yeah. 

What do you think?

How To Brake Your Hammer....

How do you brake a hammer?

Find someone who loves raw coconut.

Then give them a hammer.

Tell them to hold the coconut in their hand while hitting (if they hit their hand then - duh!)

If they keep missing the coconut and hitting their hand (double duh), ask them to place the coconut on the marble counter-top.

Watch as the coconut mashes and milk splatter all over the wall, ceiling and counter top.

Then look down at the hammer and the missing marble from the counter top.

And that is how you open a raw coconut.

Only way to do it!

Mmm - delicious.

So...yeah.

My Little Strawberry

It's was weird for me when my older brothers got married.

You are a husband now?

Naw....you are still  just my big, older, goofy, brother.

Then my brothers had kids and suddenly being a husband was okay because

A DAD!?!?! You are going to be a FATHER?!?!

(ohhhh crap!)

I couldn't handle it!

Yes, I am naive.

And yes, that's is apart of life and growing-up but at 

the end of the day, I knew that being my brother was taking a back seat

to being a HUSBAND and now a FATHER!

But now?

I couldn't be more proud of my older brothers.

Amazing wives, amazing kids, amazing families.

Happiest and proudest auntie alive.

Don't believe me?

This is my phone background...

...luv that little strawberry hat!

Hah!

Missing home but happy to be so lucky.

Shout-OUT to Crazy Dave!!!

I used to love making lunches in my family.

Tuna-Fish sandwiches were one of my specialties....

...however one time, instead of using mayo I used salad cream.

As Jimmy Fallon would say -

DON'T ASK why we even had it in the fridge, maybe I also bought it by accident?

Salad cream tastes NOTHING LIKE MAYO and therefore

my sandwiches tasted NOTHING like

real Tuna-Fish - SICK!

David 

(one of my older brothers)
was always good at pointing out when I used the wrong ingredients

in our school lunches.

(which was too often!)

So of course, when I saw these jars of SALAD CREAM in the grocery store,

it made me laugh out loud and 

think of YOU and also wonder.....

WHY ON EARTH WAS I THE ONE

MAKING YOUR LUNCH ANYWAYS?

(hahah!)

Miss and love you tones Crazy Dave!

Lo