What will you need to prepare this lemon pie? A crust of COURSE!
Step 1 - We need butter, flour, one yellow egg, water, icing sugar.
Boom.
(Don't ask me how much, I don't weigh or measure ingredients - okay?)
The poor individual cooking with me: Umm- okay. Not sure how I can properly start this recipe with no measurements...
Maybe could you give me SOME tips on how the crust should feel? Wet? Dry? Mix slowly?
Chef Lauren? Are you even listening to me?
What was that? Oh yeah, you'll also need a BOWL!
(I like to YELL sometime)
Oh yeah, and make it a big one!
Yeah, I got it. A bowl. Great Captain Obvious!
Now that the dough is all mixed, we let it sit.
Wait - how did you mix that? Can you explain what you did?
Well, I used my hands. And made sure to use my strong finger pulse muscles.
Finger pulse muscles? I - I - I....I don't even know where to start with that comment.
I think I am getting a headache.
Profile pic of the dough. Crucial that it looks exactly like this.
Because?
Because the rounder the dough, the better the taste of course
(Sheeesh - were did you learn not to bake?)
*Heavy sigh
(No comment from poor individual)
And now we take this lime and shave some from the top....
Errr, you meant to say LEMON right? Not lime. Because this is a lemon pie recipe.
Not a lime pie recipe...right?
Nope, It's a lime but yes, we are making a lemon pie recipe.
I bought it from the grocery store in the Desh and it says lime so we call it a lime.
Stop asking such ridiculously stupid questions.
Argh*
(Sounds from poor individual)
I said from the TOP! Why don't you listen to me?
But what difference does it make?
Because it's FRESHER on the TOP of course!
DUH!.
I need a drink.
Ohhh what good idea, we can have TEA with our lemon pie!
But I thought you said those were LIMES!?!?!
This is my favourite part, add some eggs, sugar and CREAM!
Ohh cool, cream and eggs all mixed together?
No silly, crack'em one at a time and mix slowly.
Why?
Because I said so, cheeky!
And once you have put the pie out like that...
Wait, wait, WAIT! How did you do that?
I just took a fork and put holes through the dough of course -
how ELSE would I do that?
I give up, where are your shot glasses?
See the technique involved with the mixing?
Are you even WATCHING ME!
Don't you want to learn how to make a lemon pie?
(The poor individual has just downed two shots of hard liquor)
Yup. Yup - yup!
I am here and ready to learn from you, the Ohhhh Might Master Chef!
(BURP!)
Ewwww - that stinks!
Sorry
(But really the poor individual is thinking MOU - hahahah NO I AM NOT!)
And then PRESTO - put it in the oven and you have a pie!
How long do we let it cook for?
Until it's kinda shinny and brown on the top.
And of course, it will smells ready.
Smells ready?
Yes, why?
Ohh, right. No reason.
(Of all the chefs I have worked with this one is really the......grrrr!)
Pretty sure I NAILED that!
Best lemon pie and lesson EVER!
WAY TO GO CHEF WELLS!
BOOM.
So, do you have any questions?
You do have a real job, don't you?
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